These hoes aint shit bro I'm telling ya

I was walking home from the store when this chick comes up to me and says 'hey can I crush your balls' and being the kinky and submissive bitch I am I'm like 'hell yeah' but instead of stepping on me she pulls out a hammer and smashes my testicles like fucking grapes on a hydraulic press! I scream in agony, of course, but she quickly runs off. I had to go to the ER and they had to connect my bladder to my rectum so now I gotta piss from my ass. My penis was now useless so I decided to feed it to my dog. He loved it. The only ever time my penis has satisfied anybody or anything was when I fed it to my fucking dog.

Fuck, dude